I clutch my weathered suitcase to my side. My immigration papers in my other hand look pristine compared to the beat up leather exterior. Probably because they haven't seen the light of day since England. My poor bags tell a different story.
I shudder as I think of the ship we've just left in the water behind us. I don't dare look back, in fears that they will shove me back on deck. The three months it took to cross the ocean passed with too much pain and life experience to recall. I must look forward. Not back. Here is my future, where I plan to be.
The family in front of me take a step closer to the station's door. We're lined up like cattle, waiting our turn to be branded into a new life. I wonder what the new world will see in me. Will I be enough to survive?
I put on my best dress this morning, one that I haven't worn since I left home. I figured it would be best to welcome this new country of mine. Maybe if I dress up for it, it will welcome me better. My shoes are a stark contrast. The leather has been blasted by salt water, and become stiff, making it hard to walk. But I'll manage. It's only me, after all, that chose this life, and I'm not about to back down to the harsh trails ahead of me. The sea has taught me something: I can do hard things.
The hardened faces of my shipmates show the same story as mine. We began this journey like infants, unknown to the hardships of life. But now we know what true sacrifice is, and how it changes the soul. We're not backing down. Not after everything we've lost.
I wonder how many had to cast a loved one to a watery grave. I should've kept count. But after the fifth child, my heart couldn't stand the ache.
A small tremble builds in my hand left hand as I remember the way a tiny child held onto me as her mother lay sick and dying next to her. The father had stayed behind, working to pay for the expensive travel fare. They could only afford two tickets, and he gave them to those he loved most. The baby girl is with another family now. One who has her wrapped in their arms. I pray she'll see her father again. A life without family is hard. I'm learning that myself.
As the line moves again, I wonder if the journey across land will be worse than water. After all, I will most likely be walking. My shoes stab my toes in a tight embrace. Better figure out a way to fix that, or else I'll lose my big toe by the time I reach my destination.
Before I know it, I'm inside the wooden doors, being ushered to a window with a sharp boned man behind the desk.
"Papers." He demands.
I hand them to him.
He glances at me. Stares into my eyes, like he's looking for someone else. I look away, unable to hold his eyes.
"It's just you? No family?" He pauses. I nod my confirmation. "Did they die on the voyage?"
"No sir. It's just me."
He glances at my papers. "But you're only...eighteen. Surely someone has accompanied you."
"Plenty of people have accompanied me, sir." I motion around the room, noticing the immigration process being much faster for my fellow travelers.
He waves away my refute. "Yes, but..." He sighs.
My legs begin to shake. I pray there is nothing wrong with my papers. I boarded the ship without a hitch. Why am I feeling like I've done something wrong.
I take a deep breath and straighten my shoulders. I've just managed to place my feet on firm soil. I'm not willing to let that ground shake me off already.
He's scanning my papers. It takes him a while to get to the end. I've about lost my nerve when he looks up at me again. His puzzled expression lightens.
"Well, Adelina, welcome to America. A great nation where freedom and opportunities abound. All you have to do is, be in the right place at the right time, and you'll succeed. Seeing as you've made it this far, I can't imagine you not becoming a contributing member of society. Anyone who has enough gumption to travel over two thousand miles to a new country, all on their own, has got to be strong."
A small smile crosses my lips. "Thank you, sir."
"Where are you headed after this?"
I wonder if I should be forthcoming with this stranger, but quickly decide I can be, since he just welcomed me to his country, a fellow citizen. "I plan to head west."
"To the frontier?"
I nod. "The same."
A sparkle lights his eye a moment before a smile emerges. "Then you'll want to head south of here. There's a band of travelers headed west tomorrow morning. You can't miss them. They're going to Illinois, which is the edge of civilization out there. And, as fortune would have it, my wife, two young boys, and myself will also be traveling with them. So, it looks as though we will be getting to know each other a little better."
I'm surprised. I don't know whether to be excited or nervous by this revelation. I decide it doesn't hurt to trust someone. After all, if I am going to succeed in this life, I need to open my heart sometime. "Thank you, sir. I will be pleased to meet your family."
His smile turns mischievous. "You say that now, but wait until you spend a day with my boys. They ask so many questions, it makes my head spin."
"Then I shall rather like them."
He turns thoughtful. "I do believe you and my wife will be friends, which will be good. A woman needs strong friends, to help get through all you must bear together."
I don't know what he means, but figure his age and wisdom surpasses mine. "Until tomorrow then."
He stamps my papers, places them in a pile and begins to fill out a new form. "These are your citizenship papers. Keep them with you at all times." Once he's finished, he hands them over. "I just need your signature, and then you can be on your way."
I sign, which comes out looking much better than anticipated.
He organizes all my information, handing me the papers I need, and explaining what is what. My head spins. This is really happening. After all the waiting, and praying for survival, I am now a free citizen. A sense of pride fills my chest as tears collect in my eyes, threatening to spill over. I wipe at them with the back of my sleeve.
"Remember, head south. There's a supply shop not two blocks from here, and you'll find the people you're looking for."
I offer my thanks and head for the door, feeling like a newborn, taking my first breath. This country is now my home. A home I will never leave. I feel it in my bones.
It will be worth the sacrifice in the end. It has to be. I just pray my children and their children appreciate my sacrifice too.
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