Monday, January 18, 2016

Real Life

My fingers hoover over the receive text button. It's a text from my hubby. I've had a weird feeling all day, like things are changing. And the change may be coming much faster than I want to admit.
The text it short. To the point.
He will only be employed for another 30 to 60 days before the work runs out.
I take a deep breath. Let this sink in.
Fear. Faith. Doubt. Hope. Vulnerability. Growth. Love. Triumph.
Conflicting feelings battle for my attention. I have a choice. What will I allow rule my life?
I've felt change lingering in the air. But I didn't know what it was. Maybe the new baby on the way. Maybe a change of calling in church. And maybe even a change that's so small I wouldn't have noticed it. This is a change that I notice. A change that will be extremely hard to go through.
Ted loves his job. It is custom cut for him. He loves what he does. He loves who he works for. He loves who he works with. I mean, his boss is the best mentor he could ask for. The variety. The challenge. The learning. The knowledge. The problem solving. The help he can offer. Teaching. Saving lives. Changing lives. Working with people on the front lines. It fits his personality to a "T".
I don't know what to say to help ease the pain this change will bring. I will always be supportive, and have faith in him. I mean, I've witnessed great achievements he's made, excelling past expectations. So I know he can, and will be okay. That he will get through this. But I still want to be there to show my love and support. No matter what, I will always be by his side. Because I think that losing a job is a huge blow, especially when it's a dream job.
And that's when it really hits me. That life is full of change. But with that change, we have choices. Choices on how we will handle the change.
Over the past 10 years we've been married, we've experienced lots of change. Some changes have been deliberate. Others have been life's circumstances. But the best thing is: we've made it through all of them. We've come out alive on the other side.
This isn't the first time we've lost a job, or failed at something we've tried. I mean, we've had several failures. At one point in time, it was like running into a perpetual wall. But that's just because we weren't headed in the direction we needed to be headed. And when we finally figured out where God wanted us to go, the doors opened. More doors than we could ever imagine. And looking at where we're at today. At what Ted has achieved in his life, and for our family, how can I have doubt? Fear? I can't. I know that if we pray, the Lord will guide and direct us to where we need to go, and what we need to be doing. It might not come in the time table we have for ourselves, or the way we want, but it will come. I've seen it time and time again. I will keep faith, hope, and love in our lives. And with God's help, we will grow and triumph.

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