I Never Would've Married You if I'd Have Known...

I never would’ve married you if I’d have known…

He’s surrounded by all the beautiful people. The people I avoid. Too much judgement. Comparing. Gossip. Backstabbing. But I guess things are different when you’re the center of everyone’s universe. The hero of every story.

I tuck myself into the loft sofa with a book, pretending not to notice the overthrow of my sanctuary.

“We only need your home for a night. One night. We’ll be gone in the morning.” My overseer pleaded with me. “You won’t even know we’re there.”

Yeah right. How can twenty people, techs and alias alike, be so rowdy?

They’re clinking their champagne glasses together. Smiling. Mingling like they’re in the middle of a club, not my home. But I guess it’s easy to forget when you’re surrounded by this view. Not only is the cityscape of Phoenix framed in one-way glass, the whole house is made from it. And the furnishings are nicer than any club out there. Top of the line. Forget the fact that I have over ten bedrooms. Don’t ask me why I need them. I don’t. I’ve never used any, except for the one me and my robot, Lu, take up residence in.

Maybe that’s why they’ve come. To remind me that there’s more to life than just waiting for my next mission. Waiting for another hit. Another person to extract secrets from. Uncover the truth.

Of course, I can’t remember any of them. Their mind wipe keeps me free from conscience. I feel nothing. Nothing other than the urgency of the mission. Then the nothingness of accomplishment when it’s over.

“Want to join us?” My commander walks up to me. She’s tall, lithe. Like a midnight palm dancing on the slightest breeze.

“No thanks.” I lift the book in my hand. Its pages are worn, some with permanent creases where I’ve folded the pages over to hold my place.

She glances at it without really looking. “We’re leaving first thing in the morning, like I promised. Do you mind if I give Ronin your room for the night?”

I have a suspicion that she’s asking because she knows it’s the best bed in the house. The most comfortable. And she’ll probably be trying to spend the night in there with him.

I shake my head and wave her away. “I’ll probably spend the night out here anyway.”

“Thanks.” She smiles and walks away.

I have a sneaking suspicion she’s planned this. Planned the house, the furnishings, the luxury, so she could drop in with her associates whenever she wishes. The way she moves around the house makes it feel more like hers than mine, even though I’ve been here for as long as I can remember.

My eyes follow her path, colliding with beautiful eyes already staring in my direction. A spark ignites my soul. My jaw loosens as I realize it’s him, Ronin, looking at me. I hold his gaze, a keen look of interest flitting across his gaze. Then his brow furrows, like he’s trying to pull something from his memory. Good luck at that.

I turn my stare back out the window, away from the party. Away from the people who work alongside me, but don’t know me. 

My robot is in sleep mode. Curled up on the sofa like a cat. Another night alone. Another night cuddled up with my only friend.

I sigh and try to shove the feeling of emptiness from my chest. It wiggles its way back in. Why do I feel like something’s missing? Like I’ve lost something or someone. The mind wipe takes away the memories. But it doesn’t take away my feelings. Lost. Love lost. A yearning for little ones in my arms. But that’s impossible. I’ve been with the firm forever. Children were never mine. And a husband…my mind blanks, but my chest expands with an emotion so large, tears fall from my eyelashes.

I glance back at the people standing in my oversized kitchen, flowing into the dining room. There he is. His back is turned to me as he converses with my commander, Nicole. I wonder if that’s her real name. She doesn’t look like a Nicole. But none of us really believe our names and histories anyway. We can be changed, molded into what they want us to be. And that’s okay with me. I’d rather be someone, than no one, and that’s how I feel at this moment. A nobody.

Ronin follows Nicole into my bedroom and a tweak of something stabs my heart.

I take a deep breath and push it away. No room for emotion. I have another mission to accomplish in two days. Another mission that takes me to the far north of our country. Into no-man’s land. A land where I can transform into anyone I want to be.

**************

I’m woken by the sound of soft footfalls on the bare tile floor.

My senses are instantly awake, my ears taking over in the darkness.

The even steps carry whoever is awake into the living room. A pause.

I remember that I’m not alone. That this isn’t an intruder, but probably someone getting up for a late-night snack.

I stretch and lift my arms high above my head as push out my legs. My body feels well rested, even though I couldn’t have gotten more than a few hours of sleep.

My mouth is paper dry, so I decide to join whoever is in my house.

I stumble my waking up muscles into the kitchen, startling the person standing in the middle of it.

A knife is next to my throat, a body corded with muscles I’d been admiring all night long holding me in place.

My body comes to full awareness. My sleep logged muscles tighten, ready to take down the threat. I lift my hand and slip the knife from Ronin’s fingers before he has a chance to slit my throat. Then I twist his arm, pulling it away from my torso. But in the middle of my twist, he somehow spins me, and pulls my body flush with his. But, how would he know that move? I’ve never tried it on anyone.

“It’s you.” He whispers into my hair.

With my arm pinned behind my back, chests pressed together, hearts pumping side by side, body heat mixing, my world tilts and memories fall into place.

We’ve been here before. Not just before. But before. Before we came to this place. To the agency we now work for.

His hands release my arm, my body, and come up to frame my face. “It’s you.” He murmurs again.

His voice pierces my heart, and I feel right. Whole. The emptiness chased away by the sound.

His lips touch mine in a soft embrace. A long-lost caress I didn’t realize was missing until he reminded me.

Once I respond, which feels like the most natural thing, his hands find my hair. The kiss unties a cord that’s locked away the memories of us. Together. In love.

Love. That’s the feeling I’ve been missing. The hollowness in my chest.

I pull back and stare up into his eyes. Even though it’s dark, the shape, the frame of lashes, the light and passion for life behind them are familiar to me. How many times have I considered those eyes? How many times have I fallen for them?

We collapse onto the floor and remember. Remember each other. Remember the love we shared. And share new love. Love that feels so right that my chest bursts from the overwhelming rightness of it all.

He’s soft, gentle. And even though it feels like the first time as he reassures and compliments me, I know we’ve been here before. The way his hands move, his body, how we work together in perfect harmony. This. This is what I’ve been missing. It’s not something you can make up. Or read about in a novel. This is real. This is love. This is what life is all about. And I’ve found it. Remembered it.

He wraps his arms around me, holding on tight. “Where have you been?”

“Here.” I reply, not daring to close my eyes and make this a dream.

He shakes his head. “I’ve had glimpses of a past. Memories that they can’t quite wipe away. They say my mind is too strong. Too stubborn. So they’ve stopped wiping the memories.”

“You mean, you don’t get swept after your missions?”

He shakes his head. “No. I don’t need to anymore. It’s all filed away. I can still focus, even without the wipe. But you. I’ve been trying to find you since the beginning.” He brings his lips to the top of my head and tucks me under his chin. His body is hot, sweaty. I breath in the familiar smell. He lets out a small breath. “It’s crazy, because laying in your bedroom, I could sense you everywhere. Your smell. The way you organize. Your picture. It was all too familiar. But I couldn’t quite figure it all out until you were in my arms.” He presses his cheek to my forehead. “Now that I’ve found you, I’m never letting go.”

As good as those words sound, I know we can’t be together. Not really. “I’m assigned a task in a couple days. I have to fulfill my duties.”

After a long pause, he nods. “Go. Fulfill the job. But come back to me. While you’re gone, I will do some digging.”

I kiss him. A long, slow kiss. A promise to return.

*****************

Lu and I have the place locked down. There’s nobody left on the jobsite. Only towering cables and a drill rig that casts the late afternoon shadows miles into the distant rolling hills.

I scour the place for evidence of foul play. A man died here. A man that shouldn’t have. A man who held valuable information that could alter the future of the oil industry. And a wealthy company wants to find out who put an end to him.

A slight breeze pulls at my shirt. The humidity has stuck the material to my skin.

“We need to search the shack.” I tell Lu. His robotic legs have him turning in the direction of the trailer before I have a chance to take a step.

I like having him for an assistant. He’s quick, efficient, silent.

The skid shack door creaks as it opens. I shut it behind me and go to work.

The filing cabinets are well ordered and it doesn’t take me long before I find the incident report. It’s detailed, but not to my liking. There’s more information than what’s written here. I find the name of the safety man on the report and do a search on my database. His profile pops up with a phone number. Perfect.

A couple hours later, I’m walking into a hole in the wall café in Keene, North Dakota. There’s a handful of red dirt covered pickups in the gravel lot out front, that match their owners on the inside. I look completely out of place. They know it. I know it. Good thing I left Lu in sleep mode in the back seat of my rental. Nothing says “Out of Town” like a robot.

I try to be as inconspicuous as possible. But they eye me like they’ve never seen a woman before.

I slide into a creaky chair placed by a table in the back. The safety man said he’d be here in thirty. I’m ten minutes early. But I had to check the perimeter. The premises look secure, but who knows.

The front door shoves open and Ronin steps inside. My heart is in my throat before I have a chance to move.

He’s in black. Pure black. Like he wants to blend in. But he should’ve chosen plaid and grease stained work jeans. The oversight on his part shows a lack of consideration. Or he’s in too big of a hurry to notice.

Ronin places a hand on my arm and pulls. “We need to get out of here. Now.”

“But I’m supposed to meet…”

“Now.” He interrupts.

I see the fear in his eyes, the urgency in his voice, and comply.

The customers’ gazes follow our path out the door. They’re probably wondering what just happened in their small town. The scene won’t be of any benefit to my investigation. We probably just sent the word out that someone’s on their turf, sniffing around, and sent the guilty running for cover.

Once outside, he steers me toward an armored SUV. The annoyance comes out of my voice. “Where did you get that?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He replies and opens the door. “Get in.”

He slides into the driver’s seat and shoves the vehicle into gear. Rocks make popping noises against the metal as they spray away from the spinning tires. “Where we going? I have Lu back in the rental.”

“I did some digging.” He doesn’t answer my question.

“So?” I reply, putting my hand on the dash to keep myself from falling over as he turns a corner.

“We’re married.” The words sound wooden. An echo of time simplified.

“Married?” I push the word out.

“There’s more.” He says, speeding down a dirt road. “We have kids. Two boys.”

My stomach spills onto the floor boards. “What? How?”

A smirk crosses his face. “You know how.”

I shake my head. “How can you be joking at a moment like this?”

A huge explosion yanks the SUV to the side. He corrects the wheels as I twist to see a drone not twenty yards away, sending shots at our tail.

“Take the wheel.” He instructs as he rolls down the window, pulls a gun from his pocket, and fires.

It takes a few shots, but he finally gets in a shot, plummeting the drone into the badlands soil.

“Why are they after us?”

“Because we’re not supposed to know about who we are.”

I blink away the realization that I’m sitting next to my husband, running for our lives. The life we just found. Trying to hold onto something we just discovered.

“So now what?”

He takes a deep breath, his muscled arms flexing as he steers the SUV down a ravine. He glances around. “This should keep us covered for a bit. But we have to ditch it.” He smiles. “No pun intended.”

I roll my eyes. “What are you proposing?”

“Well, I’ve already proposed, and you’ve said yes. But this time, we run.” He says as he turns to face me. His eyes are full of life. He pulls me into his lap and kisses me like he’s a man who’s seen the sun for the first time.

“But why?” I ask as I pull back, resting our foreheads together. “Won’t the agency let us work side by side?”

He shakes his head. “They don’t allow married people to work together, especially not married people with kids. We’d be distracted. Sloppy. Try to protect each other. Get killed. You name it. Besides, I’m their best agent. You’re their best investigator. They don’t want to lose us. If we go back, they’ll wipe both our memories so clean we won’t even remember our real names.”

“And yet, you cracked this case, not me.”

He smiles. “That’s only because they’ve been too easy on me, not wiping my memories like they should’ve. They’ve come back.”

“You remember?”

He nods.

“What are our kids like? Where are they?”

His smile is warmer than the sun in the sky. He winds his fingers through my hair. “They’re perfect. Just like you.” He pauses, gives me a gentle kiss. His compliment warms my fear-chilled skin. “We’ll find them. Wherever they are.”

“Did you find their location?”

He closes his eyes for a moment before he opens them. Runs a hand through his hair. “The last known location. We’ll head there first. But right now, we need to get out of here. They’ll find our SUV soon.”

“They sent a drone after us. They’re trying to kill us.”

He opens the door and slides the both of us out. “Not kill us, just slow us down so they can catch us. If they wanted to kill us, we’d be dead right now.” He takes my hand and pulls me away from the SUV.

“But what about my case? The murder? Lu?”

He gives me a sad grimace. “I’m afraid we’ll have to leave them behind. Even Lu could become an issue. After all, how do you think they keep such good tabs on you and collect the information you uncover the moment you find it? Besides, Lu isn’t human, Bryn. At any moment, they could pull the trigger and you’d be dead.”

“You mean, Lu is a weapon too?”

He nods and the understanding hits me like a crater from the universe, yanked to the earth by gravity, creating a hole so big it shatters my world.

“They could’ve killed me. Anytime they wanted.”

“They still could, if they feel like you’ve become too big of a problem.”

I shake my head to clear the unwanted thoughts. “I never would have married you if I’d have known you were an agent.”

His eyes crinkle at the edges as he swings me into his arms. “And I never would have married you if I’d have known you’d be the best investigator on the planet. Did you know that every agency across the globe has tried to recruit you? That’s why they sweep your mind every time you finish a case.”

“Really?”

He places a hand on my cheek. I lean into his touch. “If only you knew how amazing you are.”

“And you.” I reply, trying to dodge the compliment. “Let’s use those amazing skills to find our kids.”

He doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t have to. The fact that he’s here, ready to get to tackle the impossible, says enough.

He places a tender kiss on my forehead. “To getting our lives back.”