Complete this thought: "Today I Hope..."

The clock on the wall reads 10:37 pm.
I lay there, staring at the red letters, trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I've been looking at those numbers count up for the last hour. Why can't I sleep? My body is beyond exhausted. Growing a baby, keeping up with a three year old, and staying up with the chores has kept me busier than my last full time job. But my mind is going a thousand miles and hour. Did I do a good job at teaching Hesston something new today? Did I let him help me clean up enough? Did I let him finish his projects? Did I feed him healthy enough? Did I let him play outside for too long? Did I fulfill my duties as a wife and mother? Did I show Ted how much I love and appreciate him? Did I give him enough love? Do I show him enough support? Does he know how much I need and love him?
The questions are endless. They go in a circle, over and over. Then the scary ones come in. Like, what would I do if someone broke into the house? How would I escape? How would I keep Hesston quiet? How would I defend my family? These types of questions make me grumpy, because these are questions I shouldn't have to answer. Why can't there just be good people everywhere? Then I wouldn't have to worry about things like this and have a plan to defend my family.
The clock now reads 10:49 pm.
I've just wasted another twelve minutes of sleep. I tuck my pillow under the left side of my enlarged belly and try to find some semblence of comfort. I give up after a few tries, realizing comfort is overrated.
Burning acid rises up from my stomach into my throat. I try to swallow it down, but it keeps coming up. I keep thinking this baby must have some awesome hair growth, either that or the old wise tell is just something to keep the mind off the pain. My mom says it's my diet. Maybe I really am eating too much. Or not healthy enough. I did eat some of Hesston's Easter candy today. But how could I say no when he gave me a puppy dog look and was sharing so well?
A little grunt sounds from the other bedroom. Then a rustle of sheets.
"Daddy Lion?" A pause. "Momma?" Hesston's sleepy voice is followed by the sound of his feet hitting the floor. Then rapid footsteps as he flings his door open. "Daddy Lion? Momma?" His summoning has woken up Ted, who rolls over and lifts his tired body out of bed. I can hear his body groaning as he stands up and gently directs Hesston back to his room.
A feel a lump of guilt in my chest. Shouldn't I be the one going and putting him back to bed? After all, I don't have to go to work tomorrow. But I guess in a way I do, even if it is stay home and keep things together on the home front. A little relief eases the guilt. But then I feel bad about having relief that Ted comforted Hesston instead of me. What is wrong with me?
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Should I wait up until Ted comes back to bed? Should I show him support by staying awake until he can get back to sleep? Or should I just try to get some sleep while I can? Ha ha...if I can.
I try to round up my crazy thoughts. Taking each and every one of them and putting them in an imaginary file folder that I will lock up tonight, and reopen in the morning. It takes another ten minutes to sort through all the thoughts and file them away. But soon, my mind is clear, and the file folder is stowed in the back of my mind. The thoughts threaten to escape, but I keep the lock firmly closed. Instead, I decide to think of one thing. Something that will keep my mind off everything else. A heart comes to mind. Love. I will focus on love. Today I hope that I showed my boys how much I love them.