Name one thing you (or a character) lied to yourself about. Why did you/they do this?

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

I remember repeating that phrase to myself over and over again. Especially when I was a little girl and had a friend who slung mean words better than anyone I've ever met.

A very specific experience was, my parents were making ice cream at our dairy farm, Country Boy Dairy, and my friend and I were playing. I can't remember what was said, but I remember how I felt after my friend said something to hurt me. The pain was much deeper than any flesh wound. It hit my heart like a barbed wire fence, digging in with rusted metal, and squeezing the life out of me. My chest felt like it was collapsing, and I had to escape into the bathroom to save myself from falling all over the floor.

Now, my parents, trying to help me, but not knowing exactly how, had taught me this mantra, so I repeated it to myself, over and over, as I was sitting on the toilet, crying to myself.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

I stayed in that bathroom and cried until I had no more tears left. The sad thing was, I thought I deserved these words, that they accurately described me, and so I never stood up for myself or retaliated. I guess it goes back to the wise words from Chronicles of Narnia: "You get told you're a dumb animal for long enough, you become one."

It wasn't until a year or so ago, this mantra, which had been long forgotten, after years of healthy relationships, surfaced in my mind. I was talking to my husband about something someone had said, and of course, here it came.

But as we were talking, and the mantra kept chanting itself at me, I had an epiphany. This was one of the deepest rooted lies I'd ever been taught, or told myself. Because, let's be honest, words can and do hurt. They are extremely effective at breaking a person down over time, and with a few well placed words or phrases, one can rob another person of their identity and belonging.

Now, I know this is a shock. Most of us don't go around using words as weapons. But I want us to think about the words that we use to those we are supposed to love the most. I have watched husband and wife use words against each other, that they'd never use to a neighbor or friend. What about with our kids? What kind of words do we use with them?

The thing about words are, they spring from our thoughts. So, in order to say something, we have to think it first. We can never identify or call out a quality in someone else, unless we see it in ourselves first.

But I learned those things much later in life. And the words that my friend used on me, I owned. I took them right into my heart, because I trusted her. I think that's how it is. With people we trust and love the most, we take their words to heart. We own them, just as I did with my friend. That's why we need to be careful with what we say. My dad always told me to, "Think before you say things." It was easier said than done, but I've tried to live by that saying so I would never cause someone unnecessary pain.

May we all take this small lie out of our lives, and let it change our words for the better. Build instead of tear down. Compliment instead of criticize. It's a habit, a thought process that begins with you and how you view yourself. Once you see yourself and others through God's eyes, you will utter words of love and kindness. What a better world could we build with a few well placed, kind words.