You have magic soap. What does it wash away?

Magic soap, magic soap, I wish you to wash away,

something deep inside me, that nobody else can see.

Something deep and terrifying, even for someone like me.

Magic soap, magic soap, take it away,

the pain, the fear, the longing, that nobody else can see.


I don't know where to find it.

This pain that resides in me.

It's buried down somewhere, where it wants to be.

It's like a familiar blanket that keep me from freezing.

This cold and frigid pain, it's like a memory.

But I can't seem to shake it, like I do a dream.


Wake up, wake up, and shake off this crutch.

I'll never find my way from this blankened clutch.

And to the darkness I will fall, never finding my way.

But if I reach higher, and grab onto the hopeful ray,

I will find happiness that is greater than any passing day.

Magic soap, magic soap, I wish you to wash away,

something deep inside me, nobody else can see.

Middle of Something

I'm elated. More than elated. I'm ecstatic. I get to go on a date with Jensen Bulling. Jensen Bulling. Just thinking his name gives me butterflies.

So, a little backstory. He's worked with me at the office since last year. We've been friends since the first day. Imagine meeting someone you feel like you've known your whole life. That's how it was for us. But we've never crossed the line into more than friendship. Sure, we've hung out. Gone to parties. Had movie nights. But not a date. Tonight is a first.

As I swing open my closet doors, work clothes stare back at me. Do I even have anything approprite to wear? Rummaging through clothes is like going through a magical personal runway show. You see the item of clothing, and the image of you wearing it is projected in the front of your brain. Next item: new projection. But if you're not wearing a dress, body suit, or overalls, you kinda got to get more creative. For instance, if you find a shirt you like, then you have to find something to pair it with. Jeans? Shorts? Skirt? What kind of weather is it? Where are you going? Get the idea?

In this moment, I half wish I was a boy. Their outfits are much easier to pull off. But if I was a boy, I wouldn't be going on this date, and I'm so excited about this date. So, I keep up my rummaging.


He saw me in that last week.

Wore that two days ago.

That's cute, but not quite right.

Hmmm...does that even still fit? Maybe I should try it on.
I start to make a pile of possible clothing candidates. Before long, its a foot high. I should start trying things on.

My excitement is turning into fear.

My first item is a casual gray sweater. I pair it with turquoise jeans and a multicolored scarf. But the shoes that match aren't my favorite. So it goes in the maybe pile.

Next item: A black dress. Yes, the black dress. A girl always needs one of those. Black stretch silk with rouching of chiffon across the bodice, cascading in waves down the skirt. I pull it on. It feels tighter than the last time I wore it. When was the last time I wore it? Was it really over six months ago, with my ex at his friend's wedding luncheon? Just thinking of that makes me sick. He dumped me after the wedding reception. Maybe this dress had bad karma. Or maybe it's just too revealing. I give myself a once over. Fitted through the shoulders, cups my chest nicely, flat to my hips, but what's going on there? I try to flatten a ridge. Oh...it's the underslip. I tug it down. Much better. I just lost a dress size through that area. But it still feels too formal. Almost like I'm over doing it for him. I tug it back over my head.

It continues like this until my pile is empty. I feel like I've calculated for everything. This season's fashions. This season's color scheme. The weather. The venue. Matching what I guess he'd wear. What shoes I want to wear. What vibe I want to give off. What hairstyle I'm going to do. There are so many things to consider.

I flop down on my bed. Exhausted. My excitement and fear have turned into frustration.

Who am I trying to impress? Jensen? Myself? The people of the world? As I consider this. I become overwhelmed.

I'm not excited for this date anymore. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and fall asleep. But I can't. I need to get up and get ready.

I check the clock. Only forty five minutes before he arrives. I need to make a decision now so I won't be late. That wouldn't be good first date etiquette.

Sorting through my discarded outfits takes more out of me than I realize and before I know it, I'm lying next to the pile, running my hands across the carpet, making invisible snow angels.

"Rough day?" My best friend's voice pulls me back into sanity.

"Not day. Just last couple hours." I nod toward the clothes. "My clothes are throwing a rebellion."

She smiles. "Hot date?"

"With Jensen." I concede.

Her face lights up. "Jensen? As in, your Jensen?"

"The same."

She's jumping up and down now. "What's the problem then? You should be going crazy with excitement."

"I was. Until I couldn't find anything to wear."

Her smile slips some. She walks over to me and collapses onto the floor, mirroring my position. "He's seen you in several different outfits and situations. He's not asking your clothes out, he's asking you out. Just wear something that makes you feel good,. He will like you in whatever you choose." She pauses. "Well, as long as he's not like your last boyfriend and had to approve of all your choices before you could be seen together."

I consider her words. "Is that what my problem is? Am I afraid to make a choice because I think it might be wrong?"

"Well, not to sound rude, but the last guy you dated was kinda a jerk. All he cared about was what you looked like on the outside. And by doing that, he hurt you on the inside. It's your chance to be you again. Free. Choose what you'd like to wear. What's on the outside doesn't matter. It's the inside that counts."

Unearthly Series by Cynthia Hand

Thanks to Amazon, and what they recommend based on your purchases, I found this series. It is a lot of fun! I love how it is based in California/Jackson Hole, Wyoming. It's fun to read and know where the places are she is talking about. Cynthia does a wonderful job at creating internal and external conflict. She weaves the story beautifully. Definitely worth the time!

Sometimes, Life Gets Away From Ya

So, I have been reading some really good literature lately. Bloodlines is the first book of a spin off of the Vampire Academies Series. It is good. It has characters from the VA Series that the readers care about and want to know what happens to them. Great read!

A new author for me on this and the next book. I fell upon these when Amazon recommended them for me. I loved them. They were some of my favorite books so far! I am shocked they are not on the Best Seller Lists! The first book has lots of suspense, and the second book has more romance. Loved them both!

The second book of the Birth Marked Trilogy. Love this book even more than the first. The characters are strong, determined, and live during a time that you would need much conviction to life and your purpose here.

Love Cassandra Clare. Everything she writes is worthy of my time. I stumbled upon this new release at Barnes and Noble. It was a complete surprise it came out, and I was so excited to see it! Best surprise ever!

I found this book on the bookshelves in a small, Boulder, Colorado bookstore. It was used, but had great reviews from the staff at the bookstore. So, I decided it was worth checking into. The plot is a little slow, but suspenseful enough that it keeps the pages turning. I feel like the author finally gets into rhythm by the end of the book, but it is a Best Seller.

The second book with the Crossed Trilogy. Saw this one online, and purchased it right away. Since the first book left me hanging, I had to find out what happens to the characters. I liked this one more, right away. It picks up speed, has more action and romance, and keeps you guessing, all the way to the end. Then, leaves you hanging again. Guess I will be picking up the next one in this series too.

So, these are some of the books that have been occupying my time. I just found out Denise Hunter released a new book, The Accidental Bride, and I am super excited for that one too. I actually ordered it tonight and am having it shipped one day, so it will be here Thursday! Yea! I am excited. Well, if you have some time on your hands, or just want to curl up during these winter months, here are a few good reads that you can share with your hot cocoa and blanket by the fire. Enjoy!

Ted Dekker

Ted Dekker is incredible at creating a whole new world with perspective, grace, and style. He uses symbols and redemption in a way that no author has achieved in reaching the general public. He is beyond talented, and has you sitting on the edge of your seat until you flip the last page. The Circle is my favorite book collection of his so far. It has four books included in it, and takes you on a journey you will never forget. It can change your life, like it has changed mine, and will open your mind to a whole new dimension. Pick it up online. You won't be sorry!!! By far the best I've read!

Another Good Read by Cassandra Clare

I love this author! Her first book was a little hard to get into, but the rest of them have captured me right from the beginning! This book is a prequel to the Mortal Instruments Series, and is very well written. I like the history she has in this one, and I like the characters a little more. They are more mature, and have deeper conflict going on, which is nice. Pick it up, it is new. And, Cassandra has another book coming about in about a month that is another addition to the Mortal Instruments Series. It should be awesome! Can't wait to read it! You can read the first chapter on her website, and it gets you hooked, right from the beginning! Enjoy!

Editing

Right now I am sooooooo busy editing! It is crazy, and I love it! I am helping a lady I know with one of her books. She is already published and is working on a third book for the series, so I am editing her chapters. It is a lot of fun, and her story is so cute! The name of the series is PIinc. I love the story line, and the characters are very lovable. If you have some time to pick up a book, this would be a fun read. The book is written by three sisters, and they all do a great job at pulling a story together. The first book is available at Amazon, so you can go onto their website, read some more, and pick up the first book. Here is their website. Check it out!


www.Hstrial-piinc.intuitwebsites.com